dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just gargled with NyQuil
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
