I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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