whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
