David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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