she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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