Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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