I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
