it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
