Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They have beer where we have blood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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