Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just cropdusted the office
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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