this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
