Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
