ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
