Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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