break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
