she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
