just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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