She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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