This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
