i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
