Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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