so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
