ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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