I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
