The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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