I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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