Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
