there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
