Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
