I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
