oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
