then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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