What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
