Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
