I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And then he peed in my hair
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