theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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