White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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