We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
