How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
