maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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