i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
