You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
