I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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