He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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