apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
