smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she looked like the before picture.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
