Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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