Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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