Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
