you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
