I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
