its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
