I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
